I do.
You seem committed. You work hard. You put much sweat, thought and effort into your piece of "art" and if anyone deserves success, it is people like you who do.
I want to support you and be a cheerleader for your "cause". It feels natural for me to fall into that mode with ANYONE I know who puts as much as you have into their creative thing.
You're not a bad person. In fact, there are a few things about you that I find charming. Likable, even.
Well, a couple things.
But this is why I hate that I find myself in the position with you that I'm in.
I want to laugh all your cheesy un-funny jokes and nod my head, approvingly, like all your people do but I can't.
I really just can't.
You're overly insecure and awkward about your place in the "show business" world but you have decided to battle your insecurities with smugness and arrogance and it's so forced and UN-natural, I get the creeps just being around you most of the times.
If you were asking me for advice (and I know you're not) I'd suggest the following things:
1. Cut the schtick. I know, you'll find a hundred music business know-it-alls who will tell you, "You gotta have a schtick to make it in the music business these days" but they are wrong and they are full of shit. And so are you.
2. There is no such thing as a local "rock star". You might be able to sell some CDs and t-shirts and pull in people to your performances but in the grander scheme of things, you're just a person in a struggling local band like the rest of us and that's about it.
And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
3. Relax. Take some deep breaths. Try and enjoy what you do. If you want everyone else watching you to have fun, you have to first look like YOU are having fun.
4. Stop looking in the mirror and all the self-loathing you do.
5. Don't believe your OWN self-created hype. You might be able to fool a few lost and misguided dipshits out there but you'll never fool us smart dipshits.
I know that a post like this can and probably will inspire some bad blood and that'll have to be ok with me. I'm willing to make small sacrifices in the name of what I consider the truth and honestly, voicing my opinion means more to me than tweaking a fewe feelings every now and again.
I've sat back and tried, first to understand and then ignore your ego-based nonsense for a good long time now and I'm finally overwhelmed by just how shitty it makes me feel when you and I cross paths. It's not personal. It's not spiteful. It's not meant to be petty, trite or vicious.
It is, simply, the way I fucking feel.
Canadian Critic said...
I love this` post cause.... I'm you Monday Wednesday and Friday .. and though not a local rock star type in another way I'm the other guy Tuesday Thurday and Saturday. Sunday I just try and be me.